What a wonderfully horrific family. Sadly it is quickly becoming the norm. Save for the war veteran grandad and the very relatable alcoholic nan I loathed everyone else. Great story CHRIS!
This is what I thought, that people would find it all very relatable, but previous comments suggest otherwise, which is fine, once it leaves my head it's up to the reader. Thanks for reading Mr Labrador.
Hi there. I meant to read your recent writings earlier but life yawn things etc. Since you're off on your much needed, you may not see this for a while.
Anyway, really enjoyed this one. The frenetic pace never feels forced, for me, just a good reflection of the quick, sharp snap of the observations. It's a good portrait of 'friends' that don't really like each other, always pleasantly painful to watch and thus a great way to comment on modern phone hell, Greta stuff et al.
The inherent dirty is well considered. Just the right details.
The short form really suits you. In and out quick. Job done. A style is becoming apparent but each piece is sufficiently different to keep the overall collection of tales lively.
It feels good to have read something I will want to remember or to quote. The line about the world having been a struggle but a pleasure...and now neither, was as fantastic as it was very moving, I thought.
The way Jane got dressed as she left Eleanor... reminded me of a John Irving line about the noise that someone makes when they're trying not to make a sound. I liked what that said about that bedroom.
Enjoy your break. I look forward to the next read.
Hello Ludwig, Thank you very much for such a detailed and considered reply. It’s great having my work read, rather than sitting gathering digital-dust in a folder deep in my computer. I’m taking a bit of time away from work and the internet but I have a short I prepared earlier so there should be another one published in a few weeks.
Your review was really encouraging, which is essential really as without knowing how they’re being received it’s hard to know their value since any fool can string a load of words together, storytelling is a different beast altogether. Best wishes, and thanks for putting in the time and effort to both read and reply.
Hello Jim - Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I shouldn't really be hanging around these digital spaces, but someone reading and leaving a positive review means too much to me to ignore. Best wishes.
My mum was recently contacted by an heir hunting firm to tell her that a first cousin, once removed had died without issue and his estate of around a million was to be divided up between his relatives. His first cousins were my granddad and his 10 siblings that survived infancy (one of his brothers didn't), only two of those 10 are still alive. So the money now is split between the children of said 11 kids. My first cousin, once removed, Pauline has to split her share with her two brothers and sister that are total scum. My mum, an only child, gets her whole share.
As I sat beside my nan as she lay dying, I thought how sad it was that he likely had no one there like that for him. My parents lay side by side on the settee in the room we turned into her bedroom, in a semi-sleep state for the four days that she slipped away.
Sorry to be a bit mercenary but this is an interesting tale, I like the length, the self contained message and the story. That it's true is irrelevant, death has largely been removed from our culture, except for the dying bit of course.
My mum called in a priest to give my nan her last rites. She was a lapsed Catholic. As he was going about his business, my nan, even in her death throes, managed to say "a load of bollocks" to the priest.
I was asked to take the funeral (the whole damn thing) of a local gangster I had a very close and unlikely friendship with. His widow asked me to just tell funny stories about him, and nothing religious or maudlin. So I did it and it went really well, was about 400 flat nosed units there, but people started contacting me asking if I'd take their fathers, friends, wives, etc., funerals, people I hadn't even met, let alone known; like I'd become to local funeral comedian. I mean, times were hard, but you know. Thankfully no one gave me an offer I couldn't refuse, but it started to cross my mind that they might.
I think there is a market for some comedy in bereavement. Like that Irish guy that hid a recording of himself saying "let me out!" As his coffin went down.
Bernard Manning's headstone has: "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here," on it.
We had this crappy 6 week 'business' course at school where we had to come up with a business idea. They gave us like a 30 second presentation on branding and a few other pointless lectures, and then at the end of it we had to present our business idea (literally "We sell clothes, the company is called 'Clomp' and we're going to make tie-die T-shirts and sell them at Camden market) real state schooling nothingness. Anyway, my mates business was funeral photography, so wedding photography, you get your book, open coffin on the cover, was quite funny, called the company 'The Long Goodbye'.
On another subject, I was scrolling through Instagram and saw your old mate Ivan Massow with Joan Collins. He wrote under the pic: "a night on the town." How does she still manage it?
What was also horrible was the fact that the undertaker's young secretary said that we were the first family she knew - having worked there for three years - that had the coffin with their relative inside, brought back home.
There's a lovely bit in Walter Benjamin's essay (Which I think is in the collection 'Illuminations') where he says words to the effect 'There was once barely a house that hadn't been touched by death' and he goes on to say how anyone moving into a property were aware of who had previously died there. Not as something morbid, just the reality of homes and dying. Thanks for leaving a comment and reading it, Bradley.
Another cracking story Chris. Your writing is superb - you have a remarkable skill for creating hilarious stories that are harsh, brutal, warm and sincere all at the same time. I can't wait to read your next one.
That was a writing departure. I don't want to discourage you, I am possibly just one of your drunk charachters. It was wild as hell, but I was wading through something I had little connection to. Alice down a hole. There was the ever present humor though. I got the horrible message I think? It's my fault I could not relate to your world.
You are letting it fly, there can't be anything wrong with that. That is what real artists do..My art is not received well, in my case it's my fault.
That's interesting - a 'writing departure' for me or writing in general. Did you read it pissed, Mr Decot? Thanks for reading though, it's appreciated.
That surprises me, I thought this one was really domestic and mundane (second sense). But the words are mine but the meaning's yours, so - I'll take it. Thanks for reading, David.
What a wonderfully horrific family. Sadly it is quickly becoming the norm. Save for the war veteran grandad and the very relatable alcoholic nan I loathed everyone else. Great story CHRIS!
This is what I thought, that people would find it all very relatable, but previous comments suggest otherwise, which is fine, once it leaves my head it's up to the reader. Thanks for reading Mr Labrador.
And yes, they were not the nicest people. The more you try to play a game socially, the harder it is to give a toss about you.
Hi there. I meant to read your recent writings earlier but life yawn things etc. Since you're off on your much needed, you may not see this for a while.
Anyway, really enjoyed this one. The frenetic pace never feels forced, for me, just a good reflection of the quick, sharp snap of the observations. It's a good portrait of 'friends' that don't really like each other, always pleasantly painful to watch and thus a great way to comment on modern phone hell, Greta stuff et al.
The inherent dirty is well considered. Just the right details.
The short form really suits you. In and out quick. Job done. A style is becoming apparent but each piece is sufficiently different to keep the overall collection of tales lively.
It feels good to have read something I will want to remember or to quote. The line about the world having been a struggle but a pleasure...and now neither, was as fantastic as it was very moving, I thought.
The way Jane got dressed as she left Eleanor... reminded me of a John Irving line about the noise that someone makes when they're trying not to make a sound. I liked what that said about that bedroom.
Enjoy your break. I look forward to the next read.
Much love, peace.
Hello Ludwig, Thank you very much for such a detailed and considered reply. It’s great having my work read, rather than sitting gathering digital-dust in a folder deep in my computer. I’m taking a bit of time away from work and the internet but I have a short I prepared earlier so there should be another one published in a few weeks.
Your review was really encouraging, which is essential really as without knowing how they’re being received it’s hard to know their value since any fool can string a load of words together, storytelling is a different beast altogether. Best wishes, and thanks for putting in the time and effort to both read and reply.
My pleasure. Keep it coming.
Happy 4th of July to all the Scrubs (even the Brits😉)! Hope everyone is doing well! 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸kicking the world’s ass since 1776.
Brilliant Chris, keep them coming.
Hello Jim - Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. I shouldn't really be hanging around these digital spaces, but someone reading and leaving a positive review means too much to me to ignore. Best wishes.
My mum was recently contacted by an heir hunting firm to tell her that a first cousin, once removed had died without issue and his estate of around a million was to be divided up between his relatives. His first cousins were my granddad and his 10 siblings that survived infancy (one of his brothers didn't), only two of those 10 are still alive. So the money now is split between the children of said 11 kids. My first cousin, once removed, Pauline has to split her share with her two brothers and sister that are total scum. My mum, an only child, gets her whole share.
As I sat beside my nan as she lay dying, I thought how sad it was that he likely had no one there like that for him. My parents lay side by side on the settee in the room we turned into her bedroom, in a semi-sleep state for the four days that she slipped away.
Sorry to be a bit mercenary but this is an interesting tale, I like the length, the self contained message and the story. That it's true is irrelevant, death has largely been removed from our culture, except for the dying bit of course.
My mum called in a priest to give my nan her last rites. She was a lapsed Catholic. As he was going about his business, my nan, even in her death throes, managed to say "a load of bollocks" to the priest.
I was asked to take the funeral (the whole damn thing) of a local gangster I had a very close and unlikely friendship with. His widow asked me to just tell funny stories about him, and nothing religious or maudlin. So I did it and it went really well, was about 400 flat nosed units there, but people started contacting me asking if I'd take their fathers, friends, wives, etc., funerals, people I hadn't even met, let alone known; like I'd become to local funeral comedian. I mean, times were hard, but you know. Thankfully no one gave me an offer I couldn't refuse, but it started to cross my mind that they might.
I think there is a market for some comedy in bereavement. Like that Irish guy that hid a recording of himself saying "let me out!" As his coffin went down.
Bernard Manning's headstone has: "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here," on it.
Of course, Jack Lemon has: "In," on his grave.
We had this crappy 6 week 'business' course at school where we had to come up with a business idea. They gave us like a 30 second presentation on branding and a few other pointless lectures, and then at the end of it we had to present our business idea (literally "We sell clothes, the company is called 'Clomp' and we're going to make tie-die T-shirts and sell them at Camden market) real state schooling nothingness. Anyway, my mates business was funeral photography, so wedding photography, you get your book, open coffin on the cover, was quite funny, called the company 'The Long Goodbye'.
On another subject, I was scrolling through Instagram and saw your old mate Ivan Massow with Joan Collins. He wrote under the pic: "a night on the town." How does she still manage it?
What was also horrible was the fact that the undertaker's young secretary said that we were the first family she knew - having worked there for three years - that had the coffin with their relative inside, brought back home.
There's a lovely bit in Walter Benjamin's essay (Which I think is in the collection 'Illuminations') where he says words to the effect 'There was once barely a house that hadn't been touched by death' and he goes on to say how anyone moving into a property were aware of who had previously died there. Not as something morbid, just the reality of homes and dying. Thanks for leaving a comment and reading it, Bradley.
Another cracking story Chris. Your writing is superb - you have a remarkable skill for creating hilarious stories that are harsh, brutal, warm and sincere all at the same time. I can't wait to read your next one.
Hello Gayle - thanks for reading. That's quite the review. Now all I need is a few thousand more people who think like that and I'll be away!
That was a writing departure. I don't want to discourage you, I am possibly just one of your drunk charachters. It was wild as hell, but I was wading through something I had little connection to. Alice down a hole. There was the ever present humor though. I got the horrible message I think? It's my fault I could not relate to your world.
You are letting it fly, there can't be anything wrong with that. That is what real artists do..My art is not received well, in my case it's my fault.
That's interesting - a 'writing departure' for me or writing in general. Did you read it pissed, Mr Decot? Thanks for reading though, it's appreciated.
That surprises me, I thought this one was really domestic and mundane (second sense). But the words are mine but the meaning's yours, so - I'll take it. Thanks for reading, David.