53 Comments
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Sheila’sdot2dot's avatar

First of all Chris, you know how much I like to chat in my comments.. 😂

It was like trying to read and interpret a new language, almost robotic, which I dislike intensely, I carried on.. then I got acclimatised to it pretty quickly and started to enjoy it, understanding ‘Beetle’ language!

Then just as I got properly into the swing of it, they started talking like a couple of my mates to each other!

Haha.. I loved it! And what a visual trip! Thank you Chris x

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Cheers, Dotty! A well written piece of writing has a thousand stories hiding in the text, and a productive reader (as opposed to someone who wants the meaning pre-read for them by the author) will do the work and pull one out. It sounds like you did exactly that. Thank you for taking the time and giving it some effort, it's appreciated so much. Bless you.

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Arius's avatar

Thought I was reading a BASIC programme.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

There are only two lines of BASIC code you need to know:

10 PRINT "Dangerfield"

20 GOTO 10

And in 1982, that would be on every computer in WHSmith and Dixons in Dartford most Saturday mornings. As it should have.

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TheMagpie's avatar

100% agree, Dotty! You expressed my experience reading it better than I could!

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Al Mac's avatar

Nice , it was was the estimated reading time of 3 minutes that pulled me in & it didn't disappoint.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Marketing man of the moment Harry Dry taught me that one. And it really works.

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Al Mac's avatar

Ha, indeed.

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MouseCat's avatar

Soul destroying to think such graphic scenarios still present themselves under logs all over the place to this very day. Bits of worm left scattered about the hate crime scene - birds tearing at the less abled -beak on beak face offs. Meanwhile our governments stand idol allowing young adults to freely view natures hatred of the oppressed..

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Oh lord, mousecat, you went there. Thanks for your time - much appreciated.

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MouseCat's avatar

Linguistic anthropomorphic liminal space, with an etic /emic juxtapositional flip …Chris🫡

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

As I said to Dotty, there are a thousand stories hiding in a text, and reading is productive, not just passive and consumptive. That's the one you found - or perhaps put there?

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Arius's avatar

The Online Safety Act 2023 was designed to put a stop to this sort of thing. Boo! I demand more censorship.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I know, I was a bit gutted when it all went through OK. Must try harder. The new (small) novel will be fine too. The 7 years magnum opus will probably light up the monitors in the Online Safety Act office like you've got to the kill screen on Frogger.

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John Palmer's avatar

Mien Kampf, The anarchists Cook Book, Lolita, a poster of Uncle and Sir Mosley AND these books by Chris Dangerfield...... Nick 'im!

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I'd like nothing more than to have a novel or a collection of short stories banned. Still the best marketing strategy available, but almost impossible to arrange on your own. You need some idiot somewhere to actually ban it, and I don't have the contacts for that sort of thing, sadly.

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John Palmer's avatar

I've only eaten worms a few times. Wouldn't recommend... not for a date, anyway.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I'm not so good with that kind of thing. Out here, they eat tarantulas, giant snails, roaches, scorpions, all manner of things the Western palate isn't prepared for, psychologically, anyway. I ate a selection of such things once while pissed. The hangover was hideous, the thought of having all that in my gut, and the puke, well, the stuff of nightmares.

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John Palmer's avatar

I used to make it my business to taste the local delicacies whilst off my face drunk in every nation I stopped at in the navy.

To be fair, many were really good, Poland, Latvia, France, Germany, USA, Denmark, even the Caribbean...... I'm POSITIVE I ate dog or cat in some of the West Indies, though.... tasted like over cooked wet dog, anyway.

Funny thing is, the only time I was ill was eating McDonald's.......

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I've been travelling to S E Asia for, what, 25 years? Long stays too, and lived here for 7 years. Never had food poisoning, once. I do tend to leave the bugs alone, though, except for one drunk night in Thailand, and just the thought of them in my gut the next day brought them all back up.

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John Palmer's avatar

Snails in France is another one which I find makes people cringe.... I LOVED them though! Tasted like the cockles and winkles at Southend.... with garlic.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I can go a few escargot in garlic butter, but out here they’re the size of your fist.

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John Palmer's avatar

Stop making me moist!

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Bradley Yellop's avatar

Ye tru.

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Arius's avatar

Read. Enjoyed. Returned to bottle (mother's teat).

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I almost put 'How's your Bert's lumbago' in this one, but for some reason I bottled it. It's not a truly modern Dangerfield Masterpiece without at least a few song lyrics masquerading as dialogue. Resumed.

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Al Mac's avatar

Anyone that says "mustn't grumble, mustn't grumble" will go on to grumble. It's a sure as Coulters law.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Mustn't grumble. I hope you're well, Mr Mac.

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Al Mac's avatar

All good Chris, thanks. I've a fair few short stories to catch up on & I will. I always enjoy your written work. I catch up on your YT content too even though I'm not always around live. It's the inhumane drum machines that are giving me gyp at the moment 🤣🤣🤣

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

You’re welcome to come on and discuss, anytime. It’s not that I think one is better or worse than the other, it’s was just a fellow student saying machines don’t have the human element that got me.

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Sheila’sdot2dot's avatar

I’m looking at this from a language perspective.

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MouseCat's avatar

It’s kinda like …. A tonal whiplash to make you feel discomfort and recognition at the same time maybe?

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Sheila’sdot2dot's avatar

Yes.. I think that’s a lovely way to put it!

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I like to reply to comments, but this conversation between you and @MouseCat has nothing to do with me. I've given my input with the text; what happens to it is your thing.

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Emma Lang's avatar

That's probably the most relevant piece of writing I've read all week.

A true reflection of what life is like. Be it beetle or human, we're all just trying to exist in a dog-eat-dog world, where we fight for resources and necessities, and compete for the things that will make our lives better. Then talk to your mates and have a laugh about it, cause if you don't, you'd probably cry. All in the hope that we wake up the next day and get to do it again.

Good or bad, rain or shine, laughter or sadness; life is painfully beautiful.

And all the way through reading it I thought to myself - David Bellamy would've loved this - "wummaging around in the undergwoff"....

Nice one DF! Another short, yet to disappoint.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Hello Emma. Firstly, thank you for giving this story your time and thoughts, much appreciated as always. It’s such a treat as a writer to get such direct and detailed responses to my work. As I’ve said far too many times in the past, the words are mine but the meaning is yours and once I let my little birds loose, who knows what stories they’ll conjure for the people who read them. Your version of events is charming and innocent, and what knackered, mildly cantankerous, old git can’t love that? Thanks, again.

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Humans Eh!'s avatar

Somewhere out there is a beetle writing a short story about a human scoring some drugs. Then describing his stressful journey home guarding his prize and finally meeting up with his mate at the end for some smalltalk.

The Universe is finely balanced.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

The basic dialectics of existence. I like it. Thanks for giving it a read, mate - appreciated as always.

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Gayle Davis's avatar

I love this. I really admire the courage it takes to publish pieces that demand something from the reader. Where most writers try to please, you make us pay attention. On the surface, it seems almost simple, but there’s a strange abundance beneath it. So many stories quietly layered in. Surprising, unsettling, and completely original.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

I like the sound of this review. Thank you Gayle for your time and obvious consideration when reading this piece. As I replied to another comment, there's a thousand stories in every text, it just depends what particular one you choose to pull out of it. Thanks again, and nice one for leaving a comment.

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Clive's avatar

Tidy. Taking beetles. Can't fault them. Londoners too. Surreally satisfying. Reminded me though of being hammered last year at this campground where some man bunned tosser was selling insects as a groovy snack food. I was quietly taking the piss out of him for a bit and then bought an insect just to show no hard feelings. And because I was hammered. Just tasted of whatever sweet shit it'd been previously dipped in. Really regretted it the next day. Brain eating parasites or whatever. But anyway. Nice read. That was a quick one. Hit the spot. Merci.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Nice one, Clive. Thank you for your time and for leaving a comment. I replied to another comment saying much the same. I was absolutely pissed in Thailand once (well, several times) and had a buffet of scorpions, roaches, and all manner of grubs. The worst bit was the hangover, knowing what I had rattling around my intestines. And when I finally puked, nice it was not.

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TheMagpie's avatar

Ha, nice change in pace there when he meets his ole mate. The start felt like The Diary Of A Beetle/day in the life. Very good 👍 surprised me with that one!

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Cheers, Magpie. I never know where I'm going with my shorts, even when they're autobiographical, because there are so many angles and perspectives to choose from. This one, not autobiographical (did that need saying), but I couldn't resist the change in 'pace' as you put it. I mean, we all swim and wither, but we have mates too. Thanks for your time, and for leaving a comment.

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Al Mac's avatar

I know, I know, just messing. I do have a thought out position on it though & probably not the take you'll be expecting. So yeah hopefully sometime. Should be quite funny.

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Bradley Yellop's avatar

Good description. At least it ain't a dung beetle! How odd that I wrote something with an invertebrate theme the day after this, before I had read this.

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

There are some truly beautiful beetles wandering around the undergrowth of the UK.

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Bradley Yellop's avatar

Only Paul and Ringo left. ☹️

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Your comment about the Cambodian prison in the chat the other day was priceless. Tickled me for ages. Watch the documentary, not so priceless. A real horror story. You can see what it's done to the poor bloke. https://youtu.be/fDf4kONUiMM?si=1gehcK0pGmXdq5PS

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Chris Dangerfield's avatar

Bradly Yellop! If I can hold back on Beetle/Beatle jokes, I expect you to do the same.

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Bradley Yellop's avatar

Someone has to!

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