Brilliant Chris, throughly enjoyed reading these. You paint a very detailed picture of the situations you have been in. My favourite line is definitely “bless his cotton sock” 🧦
It’s not often that I read shit, laugh, read it again to see what I laughed about, then read it again and laugh for good measure, but this line is a killer for anyone who enjoyed a few drug fouled giggles with mates “ Thankfully the door was open, so there would be no two-hour debate about who was going to knock, who was going to speak, how the knock would be knocked and what speaking would be spoken. top man Chris
Amazing! I burst out laughing at “You filthy crustacean whore!” and almost pissed my pants (for reals) at “Face-fuck yourself with one of those disgusting flippers”. Amazing!
The cripple guy, too, and how you talk about Dartford, nails it! We've all been there with the poor kid being laughed at by the gang of cunts, some of us had been smashed, other done the tosser bit, very few have been the hero, gave me a little lump in my throat (not pants).
I like how you described Tree Estate as 'grubby' too... yes, it's grubby alright, though not too bad compared to some of the estates I grew up in over the water... I still fucking hated/hate it, though.
The sixth spastic is heartbreaking. It reminded me of the time I took part in bullying (not a spastic) and how disgusted I was with myself after. That dark spot still affects me almost 40 years later and may explain why I constantly remind my daughter to not make the same mistake. The 7th reminded me of a summer tryst I had many years ago with a hot firecracker my friends and I affectionately called "The Claw" due to her deformed hand. Sadly she was also a nutter so it didn't last. Well done son!
I was struggling for the word but I think this is your most 'punk' piece yet. It's honest about the vulgarity and the grotesque and the, sometimes, under lying resentment towards such affliction. It's unashamably gross, which is always a treat!?
It floats across the finish line because your compassion, understanding and humanity are clearly there too. Lobster Girl is the most I've laughed reading your stuff. I like her for knowing and getting what she wanted. Who'd of thought "Hey spastic, shut it!" could be the beginning of such a tender and successful exchange?
The stories and their descriptions are great, bawdy, spaz fun here, but what I really like is how the writing always snaps into a keen focus whenever you contemplate the emotional, psychological reality of whatever situation. I guess because that's when the kind wisdom of your experience shows through. For me this seems to be your writing's defining characteristic.
Brilliant Chris, throughly enjoyed reading these. You paint a very detailed picture of the situations you have been in. My favourite line is definitely “bless his cotton sock” 🧦
Sublime. I enjoyed that immensely. I've got to hand it to you. Unlike the seventh spastic.
Can't beat a good Spaz story, IMO.🔥
Top work mucker. Really enjoyed it.
Please keep up the good work, we all look forward to the book. How can I buy your last book Tired
It’s not often that I read shit, laugh, read it again to see what I laughed about, then read it again and laugh for good measure, but this line is a killer for anyone who enjoyed a few drug fouled giggles with mates “ Thankfully the door was open, so there would be no two-hour debate about who was going to knock, who was going to speak, how the knock would be knocked and what speaking would be spoken. top man Chris
Amazing! I burst out laughing at “You filthy crustacean whore!” and almost pissed my pants (for reals) at “Face-fuck yourself with one of those disgusting flippers”. Amazing!
The cripple guy, too, and how you talk about Dartford, nails it! We've all been there with the poor kid being laughed at by the gang of cunts, some of us had been smashed, other done the tosser bit, very few have been the hero, gave me a little lump in my throat (not pants).
I like how you described Tree Estate as 'grubby' too... yes, it's grubby alright, though not too bad compared to some of the estates I grew up in over the water... I still fucking hated/hate it, though.
Another fantastic bit of work, there! Thank you!
The sixth spastic is heartbreaking. It reminded me of the time I took part in bullying (not a spastic) and how disgusted I was with myself after. That dark spot still affects me almost 40 years later and may explain why I constantly remind my daughter to not make the same mistake. The 7th reminded me of a summer tryst I had many years ago with a hot firecracker my friends and I affectionately called "The Claw" due to her deformed hand. Sadly she was also a nutter so it didn't last. Well done son!
I was struggling for the word but I think this is your most 'punk' piece yet. It's honest about the vulgarity and the grotesque and the, sometimes, under lying resentment towards such affliction. It's unashamably gross, which is always a treat!?
It floats across the finish line because your compassion, understanding and humanity are clearly there too. Lobster Girl is the most I've laughed reading your stuff. I like her for knowing and getting what she wanted. Who'd of thought "Hey spastic, shut it!" could be the beginning of such a tender and successful exchange?
The stories and their descriptions are great, bawdy, spaz fun here, but what I really like is how the writing always snaps into a keen focus whenever you contemplate the emotional, psychological reality of whatever situation. I guess because that's when the kind wisdom of your experience shows through. For me this seems to be your writing's defining characteristic.
Anyway... this was a fun one, dribble and all.
Happy Birthday, Joey.
Probably "billion" should be "million", but this didn't ruin my enjoyment. A good read!
Compelling stuff as always. Thoroughly enjoyed that!
I've read all your substacks but this is the first I've commented on. Really enjoy them, what a great read :)
I love your Spastics story and I’m proud ✌️❤️✊🙏
Dartford is London. Basildon is now, too. Also, why do you use metric measurements?
The only critique I have is that sometimes your prose is too descriptive. Shangri-la lies somewhere amid Hemingway and Tolkien.
Really enjoyed that Chris thank you
'Seven Spastics', lol