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I probably should have said this sooner, but Tracey & Joey is a real documentary, about the woman who did actually get burned to death. You can read about it all over the Internet - here's but one example: https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-50890878

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Another cracker Chris. I wonder how people with no experience of the lifestyle described relate to these little snapshots of life outside of their normality, where a ten minute interaction contains so much drama, uncertainty and in this case life and death. You captured perfectly the detachment and simultaneous hyper focus of the user as the prize comes agonisingly and ecstatically within grasp. (as I write, my hearing has become 'fox like' as I await the approach of a specific car lol). Once again the reader is unceremoniously thrust into the story and into a midst of a gaggle of characters whose random and often ignored interjections makes the reader (me anyway) feel like I'm holding a documentary camera, swivelling quickly to focus on the speaker - always slightly too late as another one has started talking. It gives the story a feel of huriedness even though not much is happening. A conversation between people intent on ignoring each other.

The sense of how devalued dignity and life itself has become is summed up perfectly in the last sentence, where we learn that a person's life with all its possibilities could possibly have been saved. But no one, not even the deceased himself, could be bothered.

I enjoyed it immensely.

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Wow - absolutely love reading these detailed comments as I can only know so much as the writer - but that idea of you 'the reader' trying to make sense, or at least some continuity of what's being said. I chose to give no names of the people in the room (apart from our anti-heroes 'Terry and Anna' (although I 'spose 'Garper' is a name but only as much as he's the one who garped)) because individual identities have little value or function in that world. The first step is dehumanization of other, and if you can pull that off it will inevitably be followed by dehumanization of other, at which point all that has value is heroin, more value even than life. Cheers, Humans, that's a great reading.

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Top notch short story work here man. Unfortunately I have also spent many a year in that world, with the only exception being that I never got into needles. But still threw away many years to addiction, and in 2018 I lost my older sister and my 22 yr. old baby brother to addiction. I'm proud to say I have 2 years in recovery now, with no plans of ever going back. I found your substack from your youtube channel, which I found thru AIU, whom I've messaged a couple times on IG to send him stories of bleep fuckery, which runs rampant in Baltimore, which I sadly call home. I love your work bro. Keep it up. Salute.

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Hello mate - wow, that's quite the loss, two siblings - hard to find anything to say that would come close to being enough. Well done on two years, a huge achievement. I had a subscriber email me last night who's just racked-up fifty days in a facility. Of course he's desperate to get ot now, but I told him to just enjoy the time off the 'real world' (easier said than done, my experiences of rehabs haven't been great). AIU is good stuff, I've been watching his stuff on Patreon recently, such amazing quality work and he's taken quite a few kicks in the teeth on the way. If it wasn't for Devon, I doubt I'd still be going. He took me from 200 subs to 2000 overnight which really made a difference. It means a lot that you got something out of this, war stories are OK, but they need to have more going on since death is still death, after all. Thanks for giving it a read, thanks for the comment, and remember where you came from. Best wishes.

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Thanks for replying bro. But no, yea🤣that's great advice that you gave your sub who's in a facility. Honestly sometimes I almost miss being in one, cuz you don't have to make any tough decisions or really do anything but work on improving yourself, inside and out.

Thank you for the kind words too. I also lost my Pops to relapse related suicide in December of 2016. Then both my siblings followed within 16 months. They say death comes in threes...apparently they were right. But I still have my Mother (or Mum, as you might put it), and she is supportive and proud of my progress, or that im even alive at all. I was involved in gang banging nonsense in my younger years. Its very prevalent in the U.S. But I have let all that shit go, and just wanna be one of the 'normies' of the world. But I am still proud of what I've survived. And I won't forget where I came from.

I don't wanna sound weird, but I have lost the ability to socialize normally in the years since losing my family members, and live a very solitary life now for the most part. But i think it would be really cool if I could be a pen pal of sorts with you. Since losing my pops there is a lack of older male wisdom, and companionship, and I miss having that. Would you mind if I got your email and we could keep in touch sometimes? Would be really cool I think. If not tho no worries cuz I know this is pretty random and prolly a little weird since im a total stranger to you.... But I feel we have a lot in common, and it would help me to have an older male (I'm 38, so I don't think we are real far apart in age...) to chat with sometimes...

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Always happy to help out anyone who's had or having drug problems - however that manifests. Just remember time is of a premium right now as I try to finish my novel, run my business, keep my YouTube channel going, have a girlfriend and occasionally even eat, wash, and very occasionally - sleep. Until recently I was getting over 100 emails a day, so I had to put a clamp on that, so no worries, write away, but keep them short and to the point and you'll get a response - at some point.

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cool man, understood. but where should i write them to?

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[REDACTED] - let me know when you've seen this so I can remove it, or bots will track it and I'll get spammed to oblivion.

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seen it. thanks. sorry for delay.

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'...and just wanna be one of the 'normies' of the world.'

Whoa, steady on!

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Being in the margins can wear you down Dennis, you're still young, you'd be surprised sometimes when you feel like you've spent decades being dragged across concrete how appealing just keeping your head down can be.

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Sorry if this comes across as a dumb question...but what does "steady on" mean? Lol. Is that a British expression or...? I've never heard of it...lol

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Haha, More of an South-East English expression, I 'spose it means 'calm down', like you might say to a horse if it started trotting when you wanted to canter.

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🤣🤣 ok thanks. That makes sense now. And yea he's right then, fuck being a 'normie'. I never could be even if I really tried to anyway. Lol

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Cracking story as always Mr Dangerfield!! Another peek into the sordid world of desperate junkies and ‘powder power’dealers. The gouching descriptions are spot on…I almost felt like I was back there.

Keep up the great work Chris…can’t wait to read more

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Why thank you, Ms Davis. And you certainly were there. I thought you'd probably remember 'The Dr said it was the gear that was keeping him alive'. Thanks for reading and leaving a comment, Gayle - it means a lot to me.

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Truly grim. Very well expressed, I liked the evidentiary links, WoW. Another well written piece of junk lol yes I see what I did there. Crikey I hope your editor comes good, poor fellow xoxoxoxoxox

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Hello Darlink - no, I'm doing it myself, and getting through it at quite the rate. I should be able to get ChatGPT to proof read it. The manuscript has some very odd - anti-rules-of-writing idiosyncrasies as far as grammar and punctuation goes, but if I tell ChatGPT to rewrite it exactly how it is but correct spelling, duplicate words in series (a mistake I make a lot) and a few other stipulations - it should be OK. We'll see. Thanks for your kind words and giving it a read.

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Chris, I mean this in no way as a criticism: you're one of the very few authors whose work is so clear and visceral that when I finish reading I feel like I need a shower. Exceptional prose.

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I like the sound of that. Thank you, Nianthos - for putting in the time to read and for leaving a considered comment.

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Really enjoyed this one. Read it twice, a few days apart and it's grown on me. One of your most vivid portraits of the physical realities of using, I thought.

While this miserable exchange, between the haves and have nots, really conveyed the desperation and degredation of all involved, it's still a good read as the scene is so well painted. The orange of the vomit is a good image of when happy colours aren't nice! The queasy grim of that crowd and the feeble car crash of Terry and Anna. This writing invites and respectfully tolerates a darkened voyeur.

The telling of Tracey's story within the dialogue had an impact precisely because its horrors had no impact on the room it was told to. He was ignored briefly became one was ignored ...suggesting your own role in this drama?

To have the king of this tiny castle, Terry, being so fatally hopeless, staggering about blindly with a needle to his exposed groin, is such brilliantly pathetic drama.

These people barely exist yet it's a gripping read?

For me, this seems to be the crux of the biscuit, so to speak, as far as these tales are concerned.

Much love. Gertcha

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Thank you Ludwig. Hard to get people to sit down and read once, but to give it another pop is very encouraging. What makes these stories fascinating to me is they are still people, with all the complexities and memories and lives that the rest of us have - but there's a corruption, there's something that dominates the system, and even though natures does its best to assert itself, to have some sense of individualism, some sense of something to offer beyond their need, unless more than one person gets involved, it won't work, it won't have an effect. In this story, the only things that created an action beyond (and including) scoring or using required two people. And as you rightly noticed, the ignoring of Tracey Mertens (true story, that, horrible affair) served - much like Terry's demise - as the very real consequences of lives that otherwise don't register. Pointless, desperate, but human. Nice one, Ludwig - much appreciated.

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Very hard hitting but fascinating reading, as always.

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Thank you John, I appreciate your time and leaving a comment. Very little here is invented. You want to try hearing the girlfriend of a recently deceased partner say the Dr said the heroin was keeping the dead boyfriend alive, it's just surreal, utterly painful, and there'll be more of the same tomorrow - or later that day if you're (un)lucky.

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I accidentally just deleted a reply to you, doh!

I used to tune into you every day around 5:00pm and listen to you on YouTube. I was in the house of scrubs when it got going. I loved it. The best thing on YouTube at the time. I learned a hell of a lot from you Chris. I loved that you told your stories from the point of view of being a Communist. Having studied Post Modernism put you at an advantage. My Dad rip. He was in the Labour Party for a while when he was younger. After he died I got thinking about his time then. There was a house he went to and the couple who lived there I was convinced were Communists. Some friends of my Dad’s confirmed this for me a while back. I just had an epiphany whilst thinking about him and how he was. We clashed on every level when I was younger. His values were completely out of sync with mine and all that came from his influence in that house. It was awful and I avoided going home. We got on well when he was older and I was so pleased to have been mates with him in the end.

I used to hang out with a wild lad called Gary when avoiding home. We we’re best mates. He was a couple of years older than me. He taught me how to ride and fix motorbikes. I ended up a being a Dispatch Rider in London for 10 years on motorbikes.

Gary had a huge influence on me and my friends growing up. He was as hard as nails. He could fix anything. He brought up his son on his own as the mum abandoned them. His boy has done well for himself.

Sadly Gary took his own life in 2001. You encouraged the scrubs to record their stories. I did this and concentrated on Gary. I did it for his Dad who still lives nr my Mum in Brimsdown, Enfield.

He loved them.

You loved your KX 80 didn’t you, well here is one about a RM 125, a chippy on The Hertford Rd, Enfield and lots of Police!

https://youtu.be/qLDSnLXhJM8

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If you liked that then you’ll love this.

The Cook Report.

https://youtu.be/fN2rvEcEraI

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Nice one, John - I watched those and left comments. Weren't it great being a young man in those days? So many good times.

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Yes they were great times. We used an old marsh in Enfield Lock by the River Lea and the old Royal Small Arms Factory. The marsh now runs down the side of the M25 and the old arms factory is a huge housing estate. They used to test the small arms and light artillery there every day. You could here it in the background noise. We had some American relatives staying once and when they heard the background noise they were freaking out! 🤣

We used to goad the old bill and the ‘Lea Valley Rangers’ by spraying mud all over their cars with the bikes. I did get into the off road scene properly and did some Enduro rides back in the 90’s. I went OTT and got a CCM 560 Rotax 4 stroke with White Power forks and shock. Brutal! I swapped it for a KTM 250 2 Stroke. Still very fast! Great fun. I hope you’re keeping well in SE Asia still. Get that guitar over and get that Mountain Bike! 😀👍

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Weirdly, where we used to ride down by the Thames also had a shooting range, not sure what it was for though. We'd hear shots cracking off in the distance. I can't believe you went 4 stroke - that's simply not allowed.

I have my guitar, but no way the mountain bike, it's too damn hot and I'm too damn skint for a decent one, helmet, gloves, water, repairs, insurance, locks, etc etc - not to mention busy. Had my guitar our last night actually, learning a bit of Leonard Cohen. Sounded awful. Me, not the guitar, she's a beauty.

And yes, the old bill don't stand a chance against crossers, which made it all the more fun. great times indeed.

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Yes Chris it was. Thank you for watching! 😀

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Why did you send that female editor a sample? You must have known. Were you trying to wind her up? And you got the autopsy report! Does that fall under freedom of information or something like that? A depressing one, this. I've heard you mention Anne's parting comment before.

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Yeah, loads of junkies will blame everything except heroin for their problems. And re the editor, not at all - she was a professional editor, had loads of good reviews, affordable and I assumed not a twat, alas, it wasn't up her street. A compliment really. I guess she thought it was misogynist because the protagonist has sexual desires. What a creep!

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I used to go round a dealers house every time someone went to have a lick on the pipe he always started, someone's nicked his gear, putting a proper downer on it trying to make people para lol.

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Good lord. The difficulty in writing shorts about this life is trying to convey that although it's kind of extraordinary, it's also pretty much like this every day. I think the desperation (and the ticking clock) of heroin is especially to blame for a lot of the endless drama that surrounds it all. Weirdly, I just remembered cutting out your tight green skirted bum in that thumbnail pic. Made my belly flutter.

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Another morbidly interesting little story, very much looking forward to the novel and well wishes for your former editor during his convalescence.

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Nice one Jon - thanks for reading. I do realise his health is more important than my novel - but he'll get a slap at some point. At least his got into a facility before he would have most definitely died.

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Another great peak through the window of a junkie - though, without the sickness, this could quite easily be puff smokers or waiting for the guy with billy / pills... I've certainly been in that scenario a few times, ha!... them dealers man, fuck 'em. Thanks, brother, enjoyed that!

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Hey John - I was just thinking - for me it was the other way around. When I was selling weed it was the damn punters who wouldn't Foxtrot Oscar. You've got your buds, we're not friends, it's time to leave. But no, they want to tell me about a bit of weed they had last week that smelled like lemon pine furniture polish and how stoned they were. Great. Bye. Please JUST GO! I was a bit of a poor H dealer though - not because I'd deliberately keep people waiting, but because I forgot they'd even called. And their name. And who they were. And why they kept calling me.

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Yes, that little bit of power is considerably rinsed. The difference of course - as you alluded to - without a bit of weed you're just a bit bored, without a bit if heroin you're feeling like death. and ready to chew your hands off. Thanks for reading, JP - appreciated.

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Bang on inane conversations we have when we're on it. Accurate to a tee, the under pllaying of how we play russian roulette when we dig the 'tackle'. Powder power bastards dealers absolute Cunts. Enjoyed this body of work , reminds me of the banality of using. Cheers bruv.

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Nice one, Manny. It's interesting to me when someone who knows that world sees all those things that are perhaps missed - no, not missed - but how very much like this is always is. Behind you now, mate. Thanks for leaving a comment, much appreciated.

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Ok no probs , i forgot you werent taking pledges yet but if you do decide to i'm on board.

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No Jambo - the 'pledge thing' is exactly what you used it for. it's to show the creators that were they to put a pay-wall up, you'd be prepared to pay. So all good - very encouraging.

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What a world they must live in , and its just constant! Ive only had glimpses into this sort of thing danger and i just can't imagine doing it (being a junky).

On a lighter note this had me howling......“Athletes foot, eh? I didn’t know Terry played any sports?” lol

Hoitaa

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And it goes on and on and on and on. It’s never just straightforward or as simple as it perhaps could be. I guess so many people with problems trying to get things done is the issue, chuck in money, sickness, and the law and you get endless dramas. That was a real line too, as was ‘the Dr said it was probably the gear keeping him alive’. They will defend the stuff to the end. No Dr said that, ever. Nice one, Jambo.

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Hey Jambo I just found out you made the very encouraging move of using Substack's new 'Pledge' feature. While I won't be doing that for a long while, it's nice to know and I really appreciate the encouragement.

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The usual tale of degradation and unpleasantness you can almost smell whilst reading. Good tale but I am truly amazed you survived to write. Good storytelling nevertheless

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Nice one, Martin. Thanks for giving it a go, and leaving a comment is lovely. I like that you can smell it, I always try to write from ‘where’, maybe even before, or at least as much as ‘what’. It’s actually a very astute observation you make since any story I write - I’m just realizing, like NOW! - begins at a space, a location. Very exciting, will investigate further.

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