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Subscribe to get full access to the stories. Never miss an update. I’ll be sending one or two, badly written, frustratingly punctuated, state-comp styled, cringe-fests, every month. If you think that’s likely to ruin your Pot Noodle breakfast, then so be it, but for the rest of you, gis a chance guv’nor, they closed down all the mines and the whole family ain’t eaten a bean in years.

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Perfectly structured for the ultra-lazy, you just get on with your slowly disappearing life, and it’ll appear in your email inbox like magic. ‘Life changing’ I’d say, were I forced to summarize the situation by some Buddha-like creation who sits on the end of my bed when I wake up every morning for the past eight years.

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It won’t be long before we’re all running around in our cravats, and not a stitch more. Wait, what, who said that? Strange really though, fourteen years old and the school careers advisor asked me about future employment considerations. “Story Writing Community Builder, twice monthly” I said, and here we are. Life eh? Grab it by the balls and bounce them to your own beat, or risk abandoning your future to some spiraling destiny and fate combo.

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